Thursday 3rd June 1999
I sit here in this little world of my own, dreaming of the day my journeys shall end and my heart will rest in the arms of another. I hear the actions of the many around me but still refuse to let society touch me. To touch my little world away from them. Inside my little world I hear the roar of the jet engines carrying me on the winds of change into the tomorrow. Knowing in my heart that soon these very same winds shall be carrying me back into yesterday. Memories flood my mind, sweet and tender to my heart. I remember him. I remember the warmth of his embrace, the softness of his caress, the passion of his kiss and the fire in his eyes.
His eyes... they caught my attention and held my blatant stare. They seemed to smile at me and I saw passion, which seemed to radiate a searing heat hotter than the fires of hell.
His voice... how it spoke to me much wisdom and rang in my ears with an intelligence that captured my mind and challenged my spirit.
His touch... as it brushed softly over my skin leaving a tingle in its wake, mapping every inch of me to his memory as he went.
I wanted him, every inch of his entirety. So much so that my mind started to race, my heart seemed to beat harder and faster than ever before, my body felt as if it were a piece of metal and he a magnet, and overall I felt confused. I felt like I had to run. The tidal wave of perfect harmonic resonance between us was dragging me under into a whirlwind of constant motion, even when standing perfectly still, and I was only too happy to go there!!!
Of all the things in the universe I trusted my own happiness the least. I figured that if something made me happy then I had the most risk of loosing it. I had found that, throughout my life, things that made me unhappy were much harder to get rid of. I can go as far as to say I really loved this man, but I also feared him. He was much greater than I and held all that I had been looking for in a man. Well looking for in any person at all for that matter. A true "whole" person. As I sit here now looking back on it all, reminiscing of those times gone by, I know in my heart that those winds of change I hear all around me will take me back in time soon and then I shall see this "man of my dreams" again...