One thing leads to another and if our hearts are wise they will run for cover from the rain that will surely pursue if I continue falling in love with you. Breaking more than the hearts of our own chosen lover surrendering to temptation would result in our destroying each other as we would suffer the guilt of loving another. Though the temptation to hold you near endangers all that I hold dear, though this feeling causes fear it only heightens my desire to tempt and dare. Deep within my sickened mind if I search long enough I am sure to find the poison you put into my brain which is now causing me this anguish and pain. Deep within my sickened mind if I search long enough I am sure to find that the poison is your beauty which makes me blind to the meaning of my own integrity as your lovely body is tempting me. Blind to truth or reality blind to the desires that stir within me, blind to even my own integrity as I desire to draw you near to me. But I know that one thing leads to another as we attempt to resist each other being true to the ones we love asking for help from above. "Lord, lead us not into temptation" a rampant disease destroying our nation please help us or at least me to resist the temptation that this seems to be. Allow me the power of keeping my vow give me the strength to resist some how the charms of this angel or devil that I know to be the woman sent to this earth just to tempt me. Give me the strength just to resist thinking about how it would feel if we had just kissed or how it would be to lay in her bed or how it would be to cup her head in my hands as I drew her near crushing to ashes all I held dear. Give me the strength just to resist Cupid's arrow that nicked as it narrowly missed. Give me the strength this poison to repel and relieve my soul from this tortured hell of having a woman who is such a find and letting another make me blind. Thou shalt not covet means it is a sin to desire the passion of another when around your home fire sits an angel of a woman sent from above an angel with whom you share a deeper love. Thou shalt not covet is a sin of mind of one betrothed who goes to find another woman to give love when he has a woman at home sent from above. The sin of lust you will come to find will make the weak to the fact blind that it is but a short step to forget to remind that rather than love only destruction they'll find as their path away from what is right is turning toward evil's darkness and away from God's light. To admit my desire does not quench this fire that burns so deep within to admit my desire only makes me guilty of a mortal sin. To deny this fire makes me a liar making my desire a greater sin to deny this desire like gasoline on a fire flashes the passion within. Thou shalt not covet even within your own heart. It is a sin of the mind with no action needed to tell it apart. To desire to kill but to not take action is not a sin and causes no karmic reaction but if your mind turns blind to the laws from above you will have sinned in even thinking of cheating on your love. This is because to covet is the act of desire while a separate shalt not is saved for those who aspire to the other adulterous sin which is the act of giving in. To surrender to such temptation (it would be my observation) is akin to letting my obsession stand in the way of its confession. Yet to admit one's lust could break the bonds of trust consecrated by the Lord above. Though one is able to lie to oneself, truth is never hidden from the one you love. The vows we have given to each other exclude of course loving another. But in my mind they should also negate the thoughts of desire that I've had of late. For me even to contemplate toying with the hands of fate fills my soul with self hate and from my self I wish to separate. But trapped within my sickened mind and seen by my eyes that your beauty made blind is the simple truth that I've come to discover that one thing leads to another. I must resist this other lover worse than destroying all and each other would be the destruction of one other were we to fall in love with one another. God would cry if I took His gift of a woman so pure and true and ground it into the dirt for just a night with you. God and the angels would surely weep if my vows I did not keep if with this other woman I chose to sleep turning all of value into less than cheap. The angels that ride by my side would spread their wings and from me glide abandoning me as toward my hell I slide blinded by your beauty as I tried to decide whether integrity should not have been my true bride. Should I not admit that the fire of my desire would not subside or tell to myself that I had not lied when all I had done was not denied the feelings I had deep inside. Or should I not admit that to my self I've lied and that lower than the angels I shall reside as with the devil I have allied when all I had done was not denied the feelings I had deep inside. Only my vows to be true keeps me from pleading for love from you. Only my word given in trust has a chance to govern my obsessive lust as my desire is affirmed by my pain and I feel the clouds swell with rain. Only my word given and kept even if with another my wife had slept makes it hard for me to accept that what is good for this gander differs for the goose as I will not meander even in the face of such abuse. Even forgotten by love spoiled rotten or even if dying and tired of trying to find a lasting truce I will not philander nor let my heart meander as the pain of desire serves little use and I can no longer endure my own Godless abuse. Even if obsessed with your laugh and your eyes and even if tired of her deceitful lies and even if over time I've grown to despise that she has become deaf to my pleading cries and even if one tries and tries, to give in to desire would darken the skies. Even if I were free from her abuse and lived on a hill as a recluse my love for you would be of little use as you have also promises to keep and a husband with whom to go to sleep. To give in to this urge within would constitute a larger sin as we all would lose and none would win for tasting of these fruits of sin were we to simply embrace and give in. Cast from Eden for tasting sin no more than the act of giving in I too would follow my chosen destiny to wander alone searching for eternity to re-find the gift that God already had given to me. The wounded angels that abandoned me would watch over in sickened disgust as I broke and shattered all our dreams smashing apart all love and trust. The fleeing angels that once surrounded me would no longer be guardians of my destiny which would now be denied for eternity as your incredible beauty blinded me. To resist this taste of fruit forbidden one simple fact should remain unhidden that one thing leads to another is more than enough to discover as my obsession with you brings on self inflicted pain and the clouds of doom darken with bursting rain. |